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| The world is trying to heal The 'hole in the soul'... Most of us have tried just about everything. Work, money, religion, activities, sex, relationships, alcohol, drugs... just don't seem to make us happy. And we continue to look for something or someone to fill that hole. |
| I was there at your conception...in the epinephrine of your mother's womb... I came before you understood Before you had any way of knowing...I came upon you when you were learning to walk....when you were vulnerable and needy... Before you had any... boundaries... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
| I came upon you when you were magical...before you could know I was there...I severed your soul...I pierced you to the core...I brought you feelings of being flawed and defective...I brought you feelings of distrust,ugliness, stupidity, doubt, ...I made you feel different...I told you there was something wrong with you... I soiled your Godlikeness... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
IT STARTED WAY BACK IN TIME
| I existed before conscience before guilt...before morality. I am the master emotion... I am the internal voice that whispers words of condemnation...I am the internal shudder that courses through you without any mental preparation... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
I LIVE IN SECRECY
| In the deep moist banks of darkness...depression and despair...Always I sneak up on you. I catch you off guard I come through the back door.... Univited...unwanted. The first to arrive... I was there at the beginning of time. With father Adam, Mother Eve. Brother Cain. I was at the tower of Babel the slaughter of the Innocents... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
I CAME FROM 'SHAMELESS' CARETAKERS
| I came from abandonment ridicule, abuse, neglect, perfectionists systems... I am empowered by the shocking intensity of a parent's rage..the cruel remarks of siblings. The jeering humiliation of other children. The awkward reflection in the mirrors...The touch that feels icky...and frightening. The slap, the pinch,the jerk that ruptures trust...I am intensified by A racist, sexist culture...The righteous condemnation of religious bigots. The fears and pressures of schooling. The hypocrisy of politicians. The multigenerational shame of dysfunctional family systems... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
I MAKE YOU FEEL HOPELESS
| I can transform a woman person, a Jewish person, a black person, a gay person, an oriental person, a precious child into... A bitch, a kike, a nigger, a bull dyke, a faggot, a chink, a selfish little bastard. I bring a pain that is chronic. A pain that will not go away I am the hunter that stalks you night and day.... Every day everywhere... I have no boundaries... You try to hide from me... but you cannot. Because I live inside of you I make you feel hopeless like there is no way out... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
YOU MUST COVER ME UP WITH ADDICTIONS
| My pain is so unbearable that you must pass me on to others through control, perfectionism, contempt, blame, envy,pride, judgment, power, and rage. My pain is so intense You must cover me up with addictions, rigid roles, reenactment, and unconscious ego defenses. My pain is so intense... That you must numb out and no longer feel me.... I convinced you that I am gone... that I do not exist... you experience absence and emptiness... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
I AM SPIRUTUAL BANKRUPTCY,
I AM THE CORE OF CO-DEPENDENCY
| I Am the logic of absurdity. The repetition compulsion I am CRIME, VIOLENCE, INCEST, RAPE I am THE voracious HOLE THAT FUELS ALL ADDICTIONS. I am insatiability and lust. I am Ahaverus the Wondering Jew. Wagner's Flying Dutchman. Dostoyevski's underground man, Kierkegaard's seducer, Goethe's Faust. I TWIST WHO YOU ARE INTO WHAT YOU DO ... OR HAVE. I murder your soul and you pass me on for generations... |
| MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME |
This powerful work was published by both Father Leo Booth and John Bradshaw. My thanks to both of them for the work they have done in this field. |
"There are places in the heart which do not exist; pain must be in order that they do" |
| "What we live with we learn, and what we learn we practice, and what we practice, we become... and what we become has consequences"... AND almost always, I have found, who we become has little to do with who we were meant to be. |
If you're visiting here for the first time, please check out the other links and come back often. Follow the links and remember... THIS SITE IS LIKE RECOVERY—ALWAYS OPEN AND LEARNING! (Est. 4.15.96) |
| DISCLAMER: Before you start to look at the material that I have assembled for you I want to make clear that I claim very little original authorship here. Even where I don't give credit I probably should because there are very few original words of wisdom left in recovery. I want to especially thank Terry Kellogg, whom I do believe has a lot of original stuff, John Bradshaw whom I believe has the ability to synthesize others material better that anyone I know, and I guess if we wanted to be completely accurate we should not quote the serenity prayer out of content nor without giving credit to the author. I also want to give permission to anyone to use anything on this site for the benefit of recovery as long as they do not make any more money off of it. This offer only extends to what I have the right to give. |
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