Globe





A World In Search
Of Happiness

The Healing Feeling
Is Sadness







  The world is trying to heal
The 'hole in the soul'...
Most of us have tried just
about everything. Work, money,
religion, activities, sex,
relationships, alcohol, drugs...
just don't seem to make
us happy. And we continue
to look for something or
someone to fill that hole.



"We can't heal what we can't feel..."


"We must feel as bad as we really feel."


HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB

If we are to heal the world we must heal ourselves first.

The magnitude of the problem is best capsulized in...


MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I was there at your
conception...in the
epinephrine of your mother's womb...
I came before you understood
Before you had any way
of knowing...I came upon
you when you were learning
to walk....when you were
vulnerable and needy...
Before you had any...
boundaries...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME


YOU'RE THE MAGICAL CHILD

I came upon you when you
were magical...before you
could know I was there...I
severed your soul...I pierced you
to the core...I brought you feelings of
being flawed and defective...I brought you
feelings of distrust,ugliness, stupidity, doubt,
...I made you feel different...I told you
there was something wrong with you...
I soiled your Godlikeness...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME


IT STARTED WAY BACK IN TIME

I existed before conscience
before guilt...before morality.
I am the master emotion...
I am the internal voice
that whispers words
of condemnation...I am the
internal shudder that
courses through you without
any mental preparation...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME


I LIVE IN SECRECY

In the deep moist banks of
darkness...depression and
despair...Always I sneak up
on you. I catch you off guard
I come through the back door....
Univited...unwanted.
The first to arrive...
I was there at the beginning of time.
With father Adam, Mother Eve. Brother Cain.
I was at the tower of Babel
the slaughter of the Innocents...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME


I CAME FROM 'SHAMELESS' CARETAKERS

I came from abandonment
ridicule, abuse, neglect,
perfectionists systems...
I am empowered by the
shocking intensity of a
parent's rage..the cruel remarks of siblings.
The jeering humiliation of other
children. The awkward reflection
in the mirrors...The touch
that feels icky...and frightening.
The slap, the pinch,the jerk
that ruptures trust...I am
intensified by A racist, sexist
culture...The righteous
condemnation of religious bigots.
The fears and pressures of schooling.
The hypocrisy of politicians.
The multigenerational shame of dysfunctional
family systems...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME


I MAKE YOU FEEL HOPELESS

I can transform a woman person,
a Jewish person, a black person,
a gay person, an oriental person,
a precious child into...
A bitch, a kike, a nigger, a
bull dyke, a faggot, a chink,
a selfish little bastard.
I bring a pain that is chronic.
A pain that will not go away
I am the hunter that stalks
you night and day....
Every day everywhere...
I have no boundaries...
You try to hide from me...
but you cannot.
Because I live inside of you
I make you feel hopeless
like there is no way out...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME


YOU MUST COVER ME UP WITH ADDICTIONS

My pain is so unbearable that you
must pass me on to others
through control, perfectionism,
contempt, blame, envy,pride,
judgment, power, and rage.
My pain is so intense
You must cover me up with
addictions, rigid roles, reenactment,
and unconscious ego defenses.
My pain is so intense...
That you must numb out and
no longer feel me....
I convinced you that I am gone...
that I do not exist...
you experience absence
and emptiness...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME


I AM SPIRUTUAL BANKRUPTCY,
I AM THE CORE OF CO-DEPENDENCY

I Am the logic of absurdity.
The repetition compulsion
I am CRIME, VIOLENCE,
INCEST, RAPE
I am THE voracious HOLE
THAT FUELS ALL ADDICTIONS.
I am insatiability and lust.
I am Ahaverus the Wondering Jew.
Wagner's Flying Dutchman.
Dostoyevski's underground
man, Kierkegaard's seducer,
Goethe's Faust.
I TWIST WHO YOU ARE
INTO WHAT YOU DO ...
OR HAVE.
I murder your soul and you
pass me on for generations...
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME



This powerful work was published by both Father Leo Booth and John Bradshaw. My thanks to both of them for the work they have done in this field.


THE WORDS OF LEON BLOY STATE

"There are places in the heart which do not exist; pain must be in order that they do"








And Always Keep In Mind The Most Important Factor

  "What we live with we learn,
and what we learn
we practice, and what we
practice, we become...
and what we become
has consequences"...
AND almost always, I have
found, who we become
has little to do with who
we were meant to be.




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(Est. 4.15.96)



DISCLAMER: Before you start to look at the material that I have assembled for you I want to make clear that I claim very little original authorship here. Even where I don't give credit I probably should because there are very few original words of wisdom left in recovery. I want to especially thank Terry Kellogg, whom I do believe has a lot of original stuff, John Bradshaw whom I believe has the ability to synthesize others material better that anyone I know, and I guess if we wanted to be completely accurate we should not quote the serenity prayer out of content nor without giving credit to the author. I also want to give permission to anyone to use anything on this site for the benefit of recovery as long as they do not make any more money off of it. This offer only extends to what I have the right to give.


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